Saturday, 15 March 2008

The best sex museum in the world?

I have been to four sex museums now, I think I have found the best one, unless you would like to mail me and tell me otherwise.

Ok. It might seem an obvious place, when I mention Prague, but the reason for my vote is that that they have the world’s first recording of a threesome. That might seem such an amazing thing, but it survived the Second World War and the rule of General Franco and his government, and is currently placed at the sex museum in Prague. At first couples and friends all work in tittering, but they enter the room, settle and stay to watch the video. I was not so sure at first what they were laughing at, the fully rounded female bodies or the plot of the movie. The first, the size of the ladies in the film, well that is much more of a comment on how fashions have changed, they were not unattractive.

As for the plot, well I think we have forgotten that these people are not copying years of a porn movie institution; they are making these movies for the first time. To be honest, it was not that different from some of the films around now, except there is no speaking, and there is music instead, which I am not sure in the scheme of things is that much of a loss. It is much more fun having to imagine what was being said, and less of a distraction.

What was even more amazing given its Spanish origin is that the one movie depicted a Catholic clergy man taking advantage of a female worshipper. The plot was that the female was praying for forgiveness, and the priest tells her that she will be forgiven if she obliges to his requests.
The second, the world’s first recorded threesome in 1925, the plot stems from the wife taking revenge on her husband, who is a doctor, because she views him abusing his patients. So she sleeps with the maid and butler. What was amazing about this video is not only is she not subject to her husband’s requests, in fact he is tired of her requests, but that she is in charge of the threesome in the scene. Perhaps someone would like to inform me, but it was only twenty years before, when Picasso painted his painting, Les Demoiselles d’Avignon, which showed females viewing rather than only being viewed in the picture.

Whilst the video held my interest on this basis, after all sex is as much a part of social activity as any other thing that we do, it was actually a turn on to watch this video, to see the real women, although they are probably not alive anymore. I wonder if they knew what was going to follow and what pioneers they were towards the cause of sex and sexual satisfaction.

Maybe I am fickle

Maybe I am fickle, but it seems I am in love, with a country, doubt-less until the next beautiful one comes alone, so let’s say at least for the time being, Austria and I, we are enjoying a good relationship. The only downside is that I am a diet similar to that of a toddler due to a problem with my wisdom tooth. I am enjoying soup, yogurt and milk rice as I take the identity of the bride of Frankenstein’s monster, so that means no dates at the moment of course. But I had thought about the raging bull sketch,since I am not the usual pretty sight. And, no, I do not think anyone is talking to me at all right now! Which is fine by me, as I am in a bit of pain at the moment, but just guess, I also love the fact that Austria has high strength painkillers.

There are a few things which I have feel I have had the private privilege of experiencing. But all of them took the extra effort to receive them, but rewards are better than gifts. Aside from money and booking early, which meant I was sat in the front row at a string quartet this week, the only other way you will be rewarded here in Austria is to get up early and walk everywhere. The lazy option of taking lifts is just not the way to go, as when you get to the top of a pick of numerous hills you really feel elated at having made it to the top ready to collapse in time for the view.

My only concern about my stay in Austria is that I can visualise on returning to the U.K, desperately trying to pull open a door which opens inwards, only to go flying through when a person on the other side pulls it towards them. The only other downside is the usual hazard of hotel living, and the “in-room” entertainment, depending on how loud that entertainment is. Sometimes, I almost feel like knocking on the door and introducing myself.

Public expressions

Returning to Glasgow for the last time for a few months ahead of my trip to Austria, and I have learnt a vital lesson. Having finally bought laptop, I thought the down time spent on the train was the ideal time to play with my new toy. I decided to watch West Side Story during the journey, having only seen clips of the film up to that stage; I never thought I would have to hold back tears. Only, I had to remember I am not in a private space; I looked like your typical emotional female on the train with the passengers all around me.

For a change I had some female company on this visit to Glasgow, another lady from North East. On the one occasion, that company was appreciated by the opposite of sex. But aside from that, most of the time it was great to have some support and to be able to discuss our days in the city. At least when we watched another sad film, we were not in public, so people could view these ‘female emotional shipwrecks’. But I think that is the idea of female bonding.

However, I am sorry that I am not staying longer in Glasgow, as there is a club here that is hosting an extravagant night for Valentine’s Day, a chance to wear my very best dressing up clothes. But, obviously, I have other adventures to attend to in Austria, yet I do not think there will be much opportunity for my highest heels, but I will pack them under my usual optimistic outlook.

Where does 2008 start?

I really did not stand of chance of writing before now, but it starts when you begin your resolutions. After was a homely and quiet start bringing in the New Year with close friends and I learnt that I am a miserable poker player. I do not think I quite understood the royal flush and made bets on a useless hand, and dare I say it, I lost all my chips fairly quickly. I think my role is better played as lady luck in the casino.

Well this year, instead of the usual, lose weights, exercise more and travel, which are still on my list of resolutions. I decided the most important rule for 2008, is to follow a far more hedonistic approach to life. It is all very well being sensible, but I also need to act my age little more often, and in this case, follow the growing old disgracefully model.

To begin my plans, where else, so I thought than Amsterdam. In the name of research, a trip to the red light district followed by a sex show. It is quite intriguing to view the world from the Dutch prospective, and overall I think it works, but it really is a tourist spot now. It is not much of a surprise to understand that the local Dutch gentlemen are not frequent visitors to the area. Similarly, watching the sex show was interesting. It started with a rather ordinary strip tease, which I am sorry and pleased to announce, I could have done with a lot more finesse. I found myself wondering when the show would skip to the good stuff.

Which I can only say when the show actually got started, it left me rather cold, I think sex should be fun, but not necessarily funny. I perhaps have never had the opportunity to chuckle so much at a sex, when sexual acts are introduced by some kind of martial arts display/dance by the incredible hulk; I defy anyone not to at least titter. It is rare that I feel ambivalent about a place, but Amsterdam is a city that fails to impress itself in my judgements.

The next trip, I had to visit Canterbury for more serious issues, could not have been any better. What a surprise for me to encounter this twee little town, and have the most memorable and as a consequence of practising some hedonism there too, most forgetful night. I am very sorry that I require reports of what a great night out I have had from other people. After all, when I have fun, I like to be able to recall my antics for future reference. I will always love the surprise element in most things that I do and appreciate it in the people that I meet and the places I visit.
Thanks for surprising me Canterbury.